FTDoC, Week 6: Every Team Wins!
Welcome To The Blender
We are all a bunch of crumbs! Fantasy Football is reaching its most dramatic state now that we've added intense Bye weeks to the calendar. These have been causing a big ruckus to every team and have led a dramatic drop in points across the league. Make a move, and it can win you big. Or stay still and let destiny roll the dice- we've seen teams come up big with week-to-week trades, and we've also seen teams come out of nowhere just having one or two players hitting jackpots. It seems like anything can happen inside these divisional rounds! EVERYBODY has made a win now! The X-Zone was no match for psychically reckoning with the ancient Permian Mass Extinction from 252-million years ago! We all finally got to witness what Great Dying feels like. Coach Viony left the door open for a buncha No Good Rat Bastards to leave crumbs all over their house. The Win Factory decisively printed their first win of the season right on each of Team's Tits causing the previous league leader to collapse down the rankings. And on the top end, we've got folks streaking all over: The Cincinatti Squirtguns and Sheliak All-Stars have full bounced back with 3W streaks - that's Wet Warp Work for these two teams. The freshly femmed yuri aficionados are in fuego on a 3W streak as well. Pseud0 is on an incredible 5-banger while clawing for the top of the GoodStreams Division after the Elysium went dry on Coach Pokey's team. And with that, the league now has only one lone avian perched atop the league. Coach CatgirlCoven claims the moniker of cream of the crop: Six wins in a row, and encroaching and having a perfect opening half of an entire season. Still a road to go to match Coach Cantona's incredible 12 game win-streak from the introduction of Football 3 in FFFX-2, but would be even harder earned inside a pressure cooker like this. Glory to all the streakers!
It's been an intense six weeks, and we are now nearing the mid-season of regulation play. One of the most important changes are one of staffing, as the yaoi aficianados have recultured their entire team to become yuri aficianados. A complete betrayal to yaoi power but a resurgence of yuri pride will surely change this team's dynamic as they are in hot pursuit to bask in peak glory and return to the perch they last held in FFFX. It could be Coach Charjabug420's year and she will be going through the buzzsaws for the next six weeks to ultimately prove it.
On the Northern side of the league, our Seekers are in the most hotly contested league, it is pure chaos as anyone could win any given week and it's hard to tell what any of it means. We thought The Tampa Landlords were gone, but now they are back! The stalks from the COOOOOOORN sweep have stayed strong but The Cincinnati Squirtguns are squirting right at their heels. After The Wet Blankets left THE Charm City Offensive charmless I don't know where any of that is going. And as is becoming tradition, The Gae Bulg could pop off at any time, who ever even knows. These lands are chaos and I can't wait to see who withstands the swirling vortex in the end.
The Commissioner (who is doing a great job) wholeheartedly agrees that you deserved 100 points and we fuckin round those up.
Coaches Corner
How many positions does each team have? After my apology to Kickers in the last missive, I have suddenly found myself swimming in Kickers, and I want to know if anyone has found the winning ratio of offense, defense, and kickers yet. Let's investigate: (QB-Off-Def-K)
The West Parliament of Basking
| Team | Record | Points Fantasied | Positions Fielded |
|---|---|---|---|
| The Owl Lady | 6-0 | 732.36 | 1-6-3-1 |
| yaoi aficianados | 5-1 | 655.26 | 1-6-3-1 |
| Chorby's Boys | 4-2 | 583.32 | 1-4-4-2 |
| Team NEKAllFuckinDay | 4-2 | 558.64 | 2-6-2-1 |
| Strictly Business | 3-3 | 636.56 | 1-6-3-1 |
| Hillside Howlers | 3-3 | 547.60 | 2-5-3-1 |
| Mitch Please | 2-4 | 634.32 | 2-6-2-1 |
| BOT 29 |
The North Convocation of Seeking
| Team | Record | Points Fantasied | Positions Fielded |
|---|---|---|---|
| COOOOOOORN | 4-2 | 589.76 | 1-5-3-1 (1 Empty) |
| Tampa Landlords | 4-2 | 554.90 | 1-6-3-1 |
| The Cincinnati Squirtguns | 3-3 | 554.52 | 2-5-3-1 |
| Youngest Men Alive | 3-3 | 551.26 | 1-6-3-1 |
| The river card B) | 2-4 | 561.26 | 2-5-3-1 |
| THE Charm City Offensive | 2-4 | 549.06 | 1-6-3-1 |
| The Gae Bulg | 2-4 | 528.10 | 1-5-4-1 |
| Wet Blankets | 1-5 | 384.60 | 1-7-2-1 |
The East Flamboyance Of Craving
| Team | Record | Points Fantasied | Positions Fielded |
|---|---|---|---|
| Team Natsuru | 4-2 | 646.80 | 1-5-4-1 |
| Swiftless Swifties | 4-2 | 614.26 | 1-5-4-1 |
| Team Tits | 4-2 | 489.06 | 1-5-5-0 |
| X-Zone | 3-3 | 543.72 | 2-6-2-1 |
| Sheliak All-Stars | 3-3 | 538.90 | 1-6-3-1 |
| Autismo's Creatures | 2-4 | 437.96 | 2-5-3-1 |
| Permian Mass Extinction | 1-5 | 463.00 | 2-3-4-2 |
| Win Factory | 1-5 | 460.66 | 1-6-3-1 |
The South Congress of Chasing (Sponsored by GoodStreamsᴸᵗᵈ)
| Team | Record | Points Fantasied | Positions Fielded |
|---|---|---|---|
| Muisyle Llabtoof | 5-1 | 592.26 | 1-5-4-1 |
| Team pseud0 | 5-1 | 571.30 | 1-6-3-1 |
| Team dave | 3-3 | 577.60 | 1-6-3-1 |
| Team soirblue | 2-4 | 506.16 | 1-5-4-1 |
| Team kaidaiju | 1-5 | 523.86 | 2-5-3-1 |
| Gulp gulp gulp | 1-5 | 354.14 | 1-6-3-1 |
| BOT 31 | |||
| BOT 32 |
Having 2 Quarterbacks on your team seems to be a disastrous plan, as teams with 2QBs are suffering out there from leaving points on the bench every week. (NOTE: Points Mitch is an outlier and should not be counted. The Coach does what mitch pleases!) It is very clear in these rankings that having at least one backup offensive player and one backup defensive player is important for maintaining injuries and bye weeks, that much is obvious. But where do those extra slots go? Most teams prioritize offense over defense however the teams who keep an even bench with 2 defense and 2 offense are well represented in the top echelons. We'll see how Chorby's Boys fare with having more defenders than offenders on the bench, but there is some sense to prioritizing Defensive play with just how many points a single defender can score. It's cool seeing these spread out and it makes it very easy to see where my team stacks up against the rest of the league within the wacky tactical world of Best Ball fantasy football.
Play Of The Week
In one of the closest and most violent punch out games this season, Coach Cantona called it Jazz Friday for Strictly Business. Almost the entire Mitch please roster has been switched out which landed Carolina Panther Bobby Okereke on the team. This move net the team a whopping 23.7pts which helped the Mitch army cross the finish line scoring the most points this week as well as defeating the team who scored the second-most points. A stunning upset from last year's winningest team finally finding their feet underneath them by defragging Coach DOS.
The Standings
The West Parliament of Basking
| Team | Record | Points Fantasied | Points Forgiven | Best Ranking |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| The Owl Lady | 6-0 | 732.36 | 540.1 | 4th |
| yaoi aficioanados | 5-1 | 655.26 | 592.28 | Glory 1 |
| Chorby's Boys | 4-2 | 583.32 | 515.92 | Glory 2 |
| Team NEKAllFuckinDay | 4-2 | 558.64 | 530.36 | R |
| Strictly Business | 3-3 | 636.56 | 559.98 | R |
| Hillside Howlers | 3-3 | 547.60 | 517.12 | R |
| Mitch Please | 2-4 | 634.32 | 669.00 | Glory Jr. 1 |
| BOT 29 |
The North Convocation of Seeking
| Team | Record | Points Fantasied | Points Forgiven | Best Ranking |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| COOOOOOORN | 4-2 | 589.76 | 478.86 | R |
| Tampa Landlords | 4-2 | 554.90 | 552.98 | 4 |
| The Cincinnati Squirtguns | 3-3 | 554.52 | 530.90 | R |
| Youngest Men Alive | 3-3 | 551.26 | 580.74 | 11 |
| The river card B) | 2-4 | 561.26 | 588.48 | 10 |
| THE Charm City Offensive | 2-4 | 549.06 | 526.36 | 6 |
| The Gae Bulg | 2-4 | 528.10 | 626.88 | 12 |
| Wet Blankets | 1-5 | 384.60 | 552.48 | 8 |
The East Flamboyance Of Craving
| Team | Record | Points Fantasied | Points Forgiven | Best Ranking |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Team Natsuru | 4-2 | 646.80 | 580.96 | 5 |
| Swiftless Swifties | 4-2 | 614.26 | 514.32 | 4 |
| Team Tits | 4-2 | 489.06 | 487.84 | R |
| X-Zone | 3-3 | 543.72 | 546.00 | 7 |
| Sheliak All-Stars | 3-3 | 538.90 | 522.50 | Glory Jr 2 |
| Autismo's Creatures | 2-4 | 437.96 | 542.64 | R |
| Permian Mass Extinction | 1-5 | 463.00 | 552.38 | 5 |
| Win Factory | 1-5 | 460.66 | 571.12 | 9 |
The South Congress of Chasing (Sponsored by GoodStreamsᴸᵗᵈ)
| Team | Record | Points Fantasied | Points Forgiven | Best Ranking |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Muisyle Llabtoof | 5-1 | 592.26 | 473.02 | 8 |
| Team pseud0 | 5-1 | 571.30 | 506.40 | R |
| Team dave | 3-3 | 577.60 | 527.08 | R |
| Team soirblue | 2-4 | 506.16 | 561.78 | R |
| Team kaidaiju | 1-5 | 523.86 | 554.58 | R |
| Gulp gulp gulp | 1-5 | 354.14 | 531.44 | R |
| BOT 31 | ||||
| BOT 32 |
Thank you all for your scientific contributions to Football 3. We all stand as one as we usher in this new era of gloryful sporte americana virtuales
~ Chorby, da commish