FTDoC, Week 8: At The Midway

HAVOC AT THE HALFWAY MARK

Dizzying heights of glory are being achieved at the midpoint of the season, The entire Parliament is trapped in The Owl Lady's steel cage as the catgirls remain undefeated. I tried my best, and I couldn't even come close this week. The Youngest Men Alive found eternal youth and popped what will probably be the highest score any team will get all season with almost 25pts PER player?? 172pts should not have been even close to possible, and yet here we are sitting on absurd miracles. Then there is the psychopathic Pseud0 whirlwind coming from South Division's newly christened Garuda Glories. What is happening in the GoodStreamsᴸᵗᵈ universe to cause all of this? But worst of all, my own father has finally surpassed me in the power rankings... See, [[#The Standings]] below!

CONGRATS, LIONS!

[image or embed]

— DrawPlayDave (@thedrawplay.com) November 1, 2026 at 1:08 PM

With so many teams, there have been a lot of little rivalry moments that I may have not even noticed. I can tell you that Chorby's Boys are 3-2 against our all-time rival Char, I flipped the lead last week over the yuri aficioanados which helped put our entire division into a four-way-tie for second. We can't all be second place, and the coven's supremacy is starting to make devestating cracks through the All-Star division. Then there's the absurd story of COOOOOOORN who somehow prevents teams from scoring by trapping them within the mazes of maize. It's definitely not normal to have an average Point Forgiven-rate of 73pts. Nobody could plan for that, I couldn't plan for that. I didn't plan for that at all! I think it's weird and scary to have that kind of uhh- 'luck', I guess? But they aren't lucky, cuz they're also just good. Can you be good And lucky? Is that even fair? I don't think I can nerf that. Team Natsuru has fallen dramatically, The Sheliak All-Stars have increased their winstreak to 5W, The Landlords are creeping back up the ranks, and Coach Soirbleu's found their way to .500 after a tough start to the season. There are hundreds of stories coming out of this league every week from every team, and so if you have any worth telling, please share them with us in the Discord backchannel, where we post all the best Football memes:

give the Bills social media team a raise imo

[image or embed]

— Jane (@jane.meangirls.online) October 29, 2026 at 9:52 PM

Coaches Corner

Last time you all came to the Coaches Corner, coach was in good spirits. I gave you science and wit, I dazzled and dashed with graphs a-plenty. But not this time, not this week. Nope, coach has to have a tough talk today with his team who lost the most important game of their season against the current league leader.

"Boys, it was a tough one to watch you lose." Coach sternly looks through tinted glasses across the defeated faces of all his boys. He rubs a stony hand down his weather-beaten face, as if the coach has carried the weight of ten-thousand seasons of football. This was not Coach's first rodeo. Coach continued-

"But I want to say. That I'm proud of you. Despite the injuries and byes, you all played like a championship team out there." Coach looks at the newest members of the team, added just to get whupped by the avian titans. "Welcome to the team Tre, we've been watching you for a long time. You didn't make a single catch this week when we were relying on you, so I want you to know, I didn't pick you up just for last week, I picked you up for every week. I know you will earn your points one of these weeks." "Yung Germie, you're filling big shoes with the months-worth of groin-icing that David Montgomery needs to do this week and suspiciously every week. I hope everything is alright at home there huh. Well, anyways, good job. Take a short break for your bye week, and make sure the cruel cold hands of fate put you back in to play after this week." Coach proceeds with a glance over to the team's veterans... "Sam, do you want to win football games or do you want to win Fantasy Football games? Because right now you are getting whupped at Football, but that's great for me, so keep it up man! Stay hungry out there!" "CD, you have been my rock, my babushka, my hearth in times of storm. You are all heart! So I know you won't let this loss get to you. I'm just sorry you are stuck being a Cowboy though, so uhh good luck out there dude." Coach looks at the other side to his defensive squad

and takes a deep breath

"AHHHHHH HAHAHAHAAAA HAHA HAH HAHHHAHAHAA JUST KEEP KILLING 'EM WHATEVER YOU DO JUST DO MORE MURDERS ALL THE TIME HAHAHA DEFENSE AIN'T GOT RULES NOBODY TELLS DEFENSE WHAT TO DO. 11-MAN AUTOCRATIC RULERSHIP OVER THE WHOLE FUCKIN FIELD? THAT GOES TO YOU, BY DIVINE RIGHT. SO GO ON AND GET AWAY WITH MURDER! IT'LL BE HOLY OR WHATEVER HAHAHAHAAAA. TRULY GLORIOUS POSITIONS."

Coach clears his throat and tips his hat back to take a sip of water. He looks around before his eyes lock on to their final prey.

"Mr. Bass. Uhh whatever you are doing to rig your game for field goals. Keep doing it. It's epic and awesome. I hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving with your family, thank you for saving The Bills"

"I just want to conclude that this is the right room for all of you. This is a team that will defend our championship title with honor as we travel to challenge Coach HDCantona's crew this week. It may not be all of us here by the end, but all of the people here right now can absolutely be on that champion team, I have not lost an ounce of faith in any of you, so keep being your very best and earn every drop of glory that you put in to the things you care most about."

"I'm not taking any questions from the press today. Please go celebrate Coach CatgirlCoven's win, it's a remarkable feat to start a season 8-0 and we can't wait to play them again in the post-season."

Coach CatgirlCoven and The Owl Lady also responded to press after the game with the following:

O Jahmyr

My most handsome boy

Bringer of glory

To this 8-0 team

With each game

His legend grows

He hath slaughtered the Saints

Broke in the Bills new base

Juiced Sir Glenn's Jets

Cremated the lowly Cardinals

Popped Minnesota's undefeated cherry

And through his trials

Never scored less than 17

Oh my gorgeous Gibbs

Legs as toned as an Olympians

Shoulders that plow defenders like snow

Juking faster than a prowling cheetah

The engine powering Detroit to victory

More beautiful than any Carnegie library

O Jahmyr!

Continue to carry us to victory

For this team is in your debt

To your rushing prowess

That will in time

Lead us to fantasy glory

Play Of The Week

Two weeks ago, the league watched as TeamNEK flipped their whole roster a couple of times and when their roulette wheel landed on Devin Bush, Chicago wasn't in the dominant place they are at today. But that investment led to barely out-touching my brother's Hillside Howlers. NEK really spent all fuckin day wringing out every point they could get and Devin Bush hit a huge sack on Sam Darnold that was the final points that Coach Krev needed to secure the W and retain their 2nd-place tied standing in the league. Incredibly well played, and glory to you coach!

The Standings

The West Parliament of Basking

The North Convocation of Seeking

The East Flamboyance Of Craving

The South Congress of Chasing (Sponsored by GoodStreamsᴸᵗᵈ)

Thank you all for your scientific contributions to Football 3. We all stand as one as we usher in this new era of gloryful sporte americana virtuales

~ Chorby, da commish